In a world full of distractions, expectations, and emotional overwhelm, one of the hardest things we can do is trust ourselves. In the latest episode of the Roadmap to Secure Love podcast, hosts Kimberly Castelo and Kyle Benson take a deep dive into what it really means to trust yourself—and why this simple concept is often one of the biggest challenges in building healthy relationships.

Whether it’s making a big decision, navigating conflict with a partner, or simply tuning into your emotions, trusting yourself is foundational to cultivating secure love. And yet, many of us struggle to even recognize what our gut is telling us, let alone act on it.

Why Trusting Yourself Is So Difficult

One of the most powerful takeaways from this episode is the idea that our ability to trust ourselves is often disrupted early in life. If you grew up in a home where your feelings weren’t validated—where you were told you were “too sensitive,” or punished for expressing anger, fear, or sadness—you may have learned to dismiss your internal cues. Over time, this creates a gap between what you feel and what you believe you’re allowed to feel.

Kimberly highlights how many of us mistake thoughts or beliefs for feelings. For example, saying “I feel like you don’t care about me” isn’t actually a feeling—it’s a belief. A feeling would be “I feel hurt” or “I feel rejected.” Learning to differentiate between these internal experiences is one of the first steps toward rebuilding trust with yourself.

Kyle adds that the nervous system plays a critical role. The vagus nerve, which connects your brain to your gut, often gives you signals when something feels “off.” But if you’ve learned to override those signals—especially in relationships—you may ignore red flags or betray your own needs just to keep the peace.

Listening to Your Body

A secure self begins with learning to listen to your body. Kyle shares a moment where he practiced this by asking Kim for space to reflect before giving a response. This wasn’t avoidance—it was self-respect. In a secure relationship, taking a pause is welcomed, not punished.

Kim explains that when we feel anxious or uncertain, our gut often knows something isn’t right. But instead of pausing to sit with those sensations, we often push forward—especially in a fast-paced, emotionally demanding world. This is where self-trust breaks down. The cultural and relational pressure to “just decide” or “get over it” overrides the intuitive process our bodies are trying to lead us through.

One of the most moving parts of the episode is when Kim says: “A secure self listens to your gut. Even if you don’t understand it yet, you slow down and pay attention.” That simple act of slowing down is revolutionary for many of us. It’s an act of self-connection—and a radical form of self-care.

Practical Challenges of Trusting Yourself

The episode doesn’t shy away from the reality that trusting yourself is not always easy. Here are some of the most common challenges discussed:

• Confusing beliefs with feelings: Many of us have internalized messages that distort our emotional reality. We think we’re “feeling” something when we’re really acting on an old belief.
• Fear of disappointing others: When you slow down or change your mind, others might get upset. But honoring yourself means accepting that not everyone will like your process—and that’s okay.
• Overwhelming emotional noise: Sometimes it’s hard to tell what your gut is saying because there’s too much going on. That’s why quieting the mind and sitting with feelings—not fixing them—is key.
• Learning through mistakes: Both Kim and Kyle share that they didn’t always trust themselves—and sometimes they learned the hard way. But healing begins when we give ourselves permission to try again.

Key Takeaways

If you’re learning how to build a secure relationship with yourself and others, this episode offers these essential takeaways:

• Trust your gut – Your body carries wisdom, even when your mind is uncertain.
• Slow down – Take the time to feel before you act or respond.
• Differentiate thoughts, beliefs, and feelings – This clarity leads to more authentic self-expression.
• Honor your emotional truth – You’re allowed to change your mind or ask for more time
• Secure love starts with a secure self – The more you respect your own inner experience, the stronger your relationships become.
  

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever second-guessed your intuition or felt like your emotions were “too much,” this episode is a reminder that you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you. You were likely never taught how to trust yourself. But you can learn. And it starts with slowing down, noticing what your body is telling you, and allowing yourself to feel without judgment.

The path to secure love begins by turning inward. Your gut may not always be loud, but it’s always speaking. The question is: Are you listening?

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Until next time, stay connected and love fully. ❤️